The Photographs

Goth couple kissing on street, Washington DC - outside Roxy Club, near Dupont Circle early/mid 1990's

I saw some old photographs today
It took me back to then
That day we went to London
On the tube and on the train
I felt the same old feelings
Like a knife piercing my guts
As I remembered you are dead now
I’ll never again feel your touch
I realised that so many times
When I see a photograph
Of a street, a park, a train, a tube
I am searching for a glimpse of you
Just some fragment to hold on to
I don’t know why I think I’ll find
A moment undiscovered in time
A snapshot of a Love I lost
The unlived life you left behind
I have no Polaroid of you, my Love
No grinning pose, no Kodak Moment
Our Love was secret
It was forbidden
It was disapproved of
We had no time at all
I sometimes wonder if I grieve
The unending absence of you
or the gaping wound in me
Still I search each photograph I see
Scanning for a time capsule of you
Trying to remember
Grabbing at the past
Struggling to recapture
Your youthful swagger
Your secret smile
Your wit, your sweetness
Your smell was like home
Your confidence
Your way of seeing the world
The touch of your hands
Electric on my skin
My hold on you is slipping
But still I know your name
All that is left are memories
and you visit in my dreams
These will be my photographs
Precious shadows in black and white
Of a perfect boy and a perfect girl
Who were so right, but at the wrong time
One day, M.

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