I Can’t Forget

sad

Lately I have been feeling extremely down and melancholy. With no obvious reason. Or so I thought; until last night I dreamt of someone I loved. Someone from my past.

A boy I knew from my youth. You could say he was, and still is, the love of my life. I still remember his birthdate. It’s the same as mine. I can almost recall his features. I know where he lived, and the names of his family members. I still feel sad when I remember that I will never see him again.

In my dream I saw him so clearly. I asked my friend to take a photo of him, because I didn’t want to forget his face. Again. I seem to be forgetting his face over the years.

I met him through a boyfriend. He lived in the same street, and they were friends. One day he came knocking on the door, and when our eyes met, I knew. THIS was love. That feeling you get when nothing else matters. Just like in those old movies, or in heart-stopping romances, like Wuthering Heights. He knew my thoughts, he finished my sentences, we had an almost supernatural connection. But I wasn’t free. One night I was visiting the boyfriend, but he wasn’t back from work. The boy saw me, and asked me if I wanted to walk with him. It felt wrong, but so right at the same time. So we walked, and walked on, a very long way. Suddenly, he took my hand, and I felt at home. We talked about everything, and decided that I would tell the boyfriend, and then we would wait a respectable amount of time, before being together properly.

I finished with the boyfriend, and it was sad, but it was the right thing to do. Then I waited.

But what I was waiting for never came. He was killed in a traffic accident. He was riding his motorbike too fast. Of course he was. He was always a thrill seeker. That’s why I loved him.

Over the years I have had many, many dreams about him. He’s always elusive in them, always slightly blurry. Always out of my reach. And it still makes me sad, over twenty years later.

A lot of people might say you should be over it by now. You’d think, wouldn’t you? But some people stay in your hearts I guess, and no matter how much growing up you do, they remain there.

Happy Birthday to you, my darling memory…

loversinrain

wherever you are.

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Kamikaze Snowflakes

flakes

Dimly through the glass,

White laced snow crystals fall merrily.

Rushing blindly to their death.

…….

Into the unforgiving rain.

To be snowy and merry no more.

Fragile and unique, until the end.